We used to be scared that the world is ending,
Now we are just curious.
I think it will be colorful.
My sister and brother keep dreaming I'm dead.
I don't know what to tell them besides, "I'll try not to."
I thought I was done playing Subtle Suicide,
But these omens are raping me of the hope I was sure I had...
I'm too old to learn how to talk all over again,
But I should tell you soon
That you are in love with fog personified,
If you could even call this personhood.
Let's just stop at fog.
You are in love with Fog.
2.25.2010
2.24.2010
OTTO
Thought we were drowning our demons of dread,
Numbing those figures slouched over.
But I guess I was just hiding hatred:
I saw you walking, your arms swung too far
And I felt your cheek clenched in my teeth.
Growling and laughing and filling you in on the last 5 years-
I held you down and I deserved it
For passing you by every night for nearly a decade.
So I left you there with blood in your stupid parka collar.
And I could sleep again.
I will never have kids,
But I would name you Otto.
Numbing those figures slouched over.
But I guess I was just hiding hatred:
I saw you walking, your arms swung too far
And I felt your cheek clenched in my teeth.
Growling and laughing and filling you in on the last 5 years-
I held you down and I deserved it
For passing you by every night for nearly a decade.
So I left you there with blood in your stupid parka collar.
And I could sleep again.
I will never have kids,
But I would name you Otto.
2.23.2010
2002-2003
Last time I shaved my head, I was 16 and I flinched whenever someone touched me. I didn't look people in the eyes and I couldn't get anything substantial out of my mouth... my stories all ended with "nevermind" before they began.
My friends started hugging me once in a while, and then more often. And one by one we all began kissing each other on the lips when we saw each other, like an honest family. They listened faithfully as I choked out half-words and stumbled over myself. My twitches faded and I learned how to speak. They taught me everything.
I spent a winter, 3 years ago, crying every night, because I felt I could never repay them. I had to stop smoking pot because I felt crazy.
My friends started hugging me once in a while, and then more often. And one by one we all began kissing each other on the lips when we saw each other, like an honest family. They listened faithfully as I choked out half-words and stumbled over myself. My twitches faded and I learned how to speak. They taught me everything.
I spent a winter, 3 years ago, crying every night, because I felt I could never repay them. I had to stop smoking pot because I felt crazy.
2.02.2010
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